Cancer Chronicles #5 Anchors
I have been thinking a lot lately about what I consider my anchors. Anchors are those things in my life that, no matter what is going on, I come back to time and again. They are the constants. The people, places and things that always return me to myself. They are my sources of joy and comfort and remain steady when everything else going on in life feels like it is spinning out of control.
They have been on my mind because after many long weeks of waiting and worrying it is almost go-time and we will begin to understand the bigger picture of cancer in our lives. It turns out that cancer, like most things in life, is not black and white with a clear exit strategy. It is wholly the opposite revealing itself in small measures; a sample of cells here, an image there. It is in those fragments of understanding that my own thoughts can go tumbling down a rabbit hole and were it not for my anchors I may get swallowed up whole.
So just what are my anchors? Time spent outdoors enjoying the world around me, laughing with my family around the dinner table, scratching my dog’s ear, lighting my favorite candle next to my bed, calling a dear friend and talking on and on about nothing in particular. They are having a glass of wine with my husband at the end of a long day, reconnecting, returning to each other, and listening to my kids chatter with their friends. That feeling I have when everyone I love is under one roof and tucked into bed or swimming in Green Lake after a summer run, feeling completely alive.
During other times when life has felt particularly daunting, these are the things I hold on to. I remember that no matter where I am or what the circumstances, these things remain true. Anchors are the sanctuaries we create for ourselves whether in our minds or in communing with the world around us. It is knowing deep down that, no matter what, at the end of the day it WILL be okay because these simple pleasures in life continue to exist.
While my anxiety about what comes next is mounting, it pales in comparison to the abundance of gratitude that exists in my heart. I have the most amazing support crew starting with my husband who helps me carry this great load and is unwavering in his belief in me. I get to be the mom to two amazing kids who continue to delight me and leave me with a sense of wonderment that I was chosen to be their mom. I still have my parents and I thank God over and over for that. They are right here with me. My brother and sister are ready to go to battle with me. They remind me always that I am not alone. And there are so, so many more in my corner.
It is humbling.
My wish to all who graciously take the time to read my posts, is that you remember your anchors. Allow them to hold your ship steady during the worst of storms. May they provide you with a sense of peace that nothing, including cancer, can touch.